June 6th, 2011 is a calendar date that rings in my head. I woke up early that morning for 5:30am blood tests. Luckily, I was able to fall asleep again for a few more hours of Zzz. Adam had spent the night at our house, only a few minutes away, with my parents and our dog Shadow. [Shadow who had been acting differently over the past week. For example, she would take her naps in weird areas like in our walk-in closet?! I've heard before that a dog knows and I truly think Shadow knew something was wrong with me.] I woke up around 8:30am that morning just in time for my breakfast. I ate and watched TV, waiting for Adam and my parents to arrive. It was a few hours later that my hospital room door opened and in walked Adam. The feeling was off. Of course I was really happy to see him but his face seemed like it had a deficient in color and his body was moving towards me lacking comfort. I said "Hi babe!". He said "Hi babe!". Even that felt like it had resistance. He climbed into bed with me and held me close. I immediately felt physical comfort. He proceeded to tell me exactly how much he loved me, what I meant to him and how wonderful I was. It was nice to hear it all. However, in the back of my mind it was like I was waiting for the flip side of all the amazing things he was telling me. Then it happened. My husband's words were "You have cancer". Tears started rolling down my cheeks and I placed my head on his shoulder and we cried together in total devastation. I felt emotional pain that can't be described and knew Adam was in pieces.
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One week my husband and I are on the boat with our dog Shadow and the next week, a full 360 wrapped with unhappiness, pain and deep sadness...
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To be continued...
6 comments:
You are a very strong woman and I admire your positive attitude!!!That kind of spirit and your husband by your side is gonna make you healthy much sooner!
Oh my word - I am so sorry to hear this. You're in my thoughts and prayers!
It's amazing how Shadow seemed to know. I believe that too. June 6th, when I got the news, I was away for meetings. I couldn't even say the 'c' word. Istead, I was saying "AML, a form of leukemia in very early stages". But I was still saying the truth. It did hit me hard when I got home. But as you know, even more when I first saw you in the hospital, I simply knew this journey was simply a road to full recovery. How we learn and remember it through it all!!! Important stuff we sometime forget, we remember! How I look forward to hearing the words about your remission! Thanks again for putting your journey into words! You're probably helping somebody without even knowing. So I look forward to your posts! See you again soon and keep it up! You're amazing. And remember that today is important because you're exchanging a day of your life for it. Someone amazing told me that! :)
That's amazing that Shadiow sensed something. Been thinking about you lots. Hugs.
It's so crazy to think that so many people have to experience that same moment that you did and you never really get it until it hits so close to home. I am so glad that you have Adam right there by your side through all of this. How lucky you guys are to have found each other.. and it brings me so much comfort knowing that you will never have to battle a moment of this alone.
On a completely COMPLETELY side note, love the new background you have! I recognize it from somewhere..! Abby sends lots of love, strength and kisses xoxoxoxo
I was checking my blog today, and was so excited to see you had been on...and then I read your blog. I am so sorry and devastated for you! i am in shock! I am praying for you and your recovery, and thinking of you. My heart goes out to you and your husband and family.
Biggest Hugs,
Christina
PS we are moving to Florida in 2 weeks!
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